Anxiety Attacks
by 1potterhead07
Summary: Wolfstar! Sirius is having panic attacks after a summer with his parents where they threatened his friends. Remus finds out and comforts his suffering friend.
1. One

Ever since things escalated at home, Sirius has had a constant restlessness. He fidgeted more, slept less, and slowly pulled away from his friends. Sirius would jump at small noises, leave mid-class or skip them entirely. He stopped playing pranks with the Marauders entirely. Sometimes he would disappear for hours, only to reappear and refuse to acknowledge he had left.

He felt even more different than everyone around him. He felt alone, even in a room full of people. Like no one could understand what was happening.

There was insistent feeling that pooled in his stomach, something that told him he has to run. To watch out. That something bad was going to happen, at any moment. Sometimes, Sirius found himself playing out scenarios to entertain this feeling. When he realized that he was doing this, however, he shoved the thoughts away and tried to concentrate on something else.

His home was worse than ever. Walburga had punished him so severely that he had needed his brother Regulus to bring in a healer when she was gone. (Of course, they had obliviated her after. At least that's what Regulus said he did.) Lord Voldemort came to there house once, and after he left Sirius's mother had told him that he should be wary of his actions, unless Sirius wanted her to report back to Voldemort that he should take action against "you, your little friends, and their family."

His Mum was already one of the most powerful people in all of Britain, he had no doubt that it wouldn't be a problem if she and Voldemort decided to join causes for this particular subject. Sirius couldn't bear it if something happened to his real family because he was too different.

The Marauders noticed this especially. They were constantly worried about him and had no idea how to help. After they had tried to talk to him about it, he either changed the subject or walked away and came back an hour later. They even tried trapping him in the dorm room, Remus guarding the door and try to make him talk, but somehow, he managed to talk himself out of it. (That was an ability he had, he seemed to be able to talk himself out of anything).

And even if Sirius was okay to talk about it, he couldn't. He didn't understand why he would sometimes get so worked up that it became hard to breath, process anything anyone was saying, hard to see even, and only had one thought. "Get out, get out now." It felt like his mind was shutting down and his stomach was being eviscerated.

It was an absolutely terrifying feeling, and he was so scared of having more that it often caused more. The only escape he ever got from this was when he played the piano, but of course, he couldn't just always go to the Room of Requirement and lose sense of reality, no matter how much he wanted too.

It was a Friday night, Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter we're all in their dorm. Sirius was in a much better mood because he had felt less nervous all day, he didn't even have to step away. He tried to interact with the other three more since he was feeling more confident, but he felt bad because he knew that he worried his friends. "Its been _forever_ since we've planned a prank! Guys we have to do something awesome! I'm getting _sooo_ _booored_." James whined.

"Remus, do you still have the frog-spawn soap?" Peter asked.

"I do, as a matter of fact. Why?"

"What if we do something minor, just to get us one detention, but make sure McGonagall heard us say we would _never_ want to do kitchens. Then she'll make us clean the kitchen. While we're down there we can wash all the dishes with the soap and make sure to leave some residue behind, but the time charm on them so it activates later, and the next day at breakfast, boom! Frogs everywhere."

"Oh my _God_, Pete! That's amazing!" James exclaimed. "How in Merlin's name did you think of that?"

"I don't know," He replied, taking a bite of his chocolate frog, very obviously, as if making taunting him.

"Oh."

"How much detention are we going to be getting?" Sirius asked nervously. _No, no, no please not now._ _Let me have one day, just one_. He begged to himself.

"Probably a week, who knows but it'll be worth it!" Peter said excitedly.

"But they-" Sirius cut himself off. _They write home if it's more than one day. _He thought. His friends grew quiet and looked at him.

"They?" James prompted softly.

"Nothing nevermind," Sirius mumbled. _What if they write home? _A sudden image of Voldemort bursting through the door popped in his head.

"Sirius," Remus started as James moved in front of the door. "Are you okay?" I _can't have another breakdown I can't not right now_. He pleaded with himself. But of course, it made everything worse.

"Fine." He answered. But he stopped concentrating on words. His stomach turned boiling hot and his skin ice cold. His breathing became irregular and shallow.

"Look we know that…." Peter's voice drowned out. Sirius mumbled something, he wasn't sure what, but it was some sort of excuse as he left the room. He ignored the fact that Evans called after him as he stormed through the Portrait hole. He didn't know that it was past curfew, but he wouldn't have cared either way.

"Sirius!" The three called after him as he raced out of the room. They all stood there in silence for a few seconds before Remus spoke up. "I know what's happening." He jumped up from his bed and crossed the room.

"Well, what's happening?!" James asked, his voice wavering.

"He's having panic attacks." He answered before closing the door and practically sprinting down to the common room.


	2. Two

"Should we follow?" Peter asked timidly.

"No. He's better with this stuff and you know they have a different type of… closeness." James responded, sighing and falling dramatically on his bed. "Why didn't I see it sooner?"

"You weren't to know, we haven't seen a lot of him recently. "

Downstairs in the common room, Remus scanned the crowd for the boy. But it was only Evans and her friends, a few upper years studying and a few firsties playing exploding snap. "Evans!" He called, before he could even walk up to her, he saw the apprehension in her eyes.

"Room of Requirement. Followed him one day." She said, glancing at the portrait.

"Thanks." And he was off. He swung the invisibility cloak around his shoulders and rushed through the portrait hole. Remus took the back way. It was a secret passage the four had found when they were up past curfew and roaming the halls, trying to avoid Peeves, and it was the way that Sirius had most likely gone.

He climbed two flights of stairs and crossed two corridors. They seemed to go on forever before he finally got to the wall where the Room of Requirement was hidden behind.

_I need Sirius Black_. He thought. Nothing happened.

_I need to see if Sirius is okay, please just have one exception._ Of course, Remus realized, he was in the most literal and metaphorical sense, talking to a wall.

_Let me in! Okay okay. I need to say exactly what Sirius did….__Help? Give me a place to rest. Help me get away? I need somewhere safe? This is going to take forever! I just need to get in! Please let me help you stupid brick wall!_ Remus kicked the bricks. Yet again, nothing happened. _I need somewhere nothing can affect me._ Remus tried. There were footsteps behind him. Forgetting he was hidden, he whirled around, about to make an excuse when he saw it was Sirius. He must have taken the long way. The boy's breathing was forcedly regulated, as if he was counting his breaths. His eyes were red and watery. One look told Remus that he had been crying.

"I need s-somewhere to be alone w-where my thoughts are de-amplified," Sirius spoke softly.

_Will that even work?_ Remus thought to himself, but surprisingly enough the bricks melted away to reveal a small, dim-lit room with no mirrors. There was a piano in one corner and a few steps away there was a beanbag chair with a few blankets atop. Sirius went straight to the piano, pulling out the seat, cracking open the top, and uncovering the tiles. Remus followed behind, taking a seat on the beanbag, careful to not make noise. Somehow, the magic of the room kept all of his thoughts simple, as he could only bring one thing to his mind at a time and it could be ones of his choosing.

Sirius sat down on the chair, took a shaky breath, and began to play. Remus had never heard the boy play any instrument before, but how carelessly and swiftly his fingers moved from tile to tile was so effortless that he was sure the ability to play the beautiful instrument was ingrained in him at a young age. Suddenly, it felt wrong to sit there and watch something so personal and private. He felt like he should either leave or make himself known.

It took a moment, but he recognized the piece that Sirius was playing. He wasn't sure of the name, but it was sad and isolating. Like someone had lost something super important to them. But within a few verses, it's slow tempo quickened. Soon the piece sounded wrong and angry. He played for barely a minute before stopping and staring at the wall. "What do you want, Remus?" Sirius asked quietly, turning around and staring at the empty bean bag chair. Startled, Remus slid the cloak off and stared back at him. _How did he know?_

"I want to make sure you are okay, pads."

"I'm fine. You have no right to follow me. You have your place, this is mine."

"Yes but _I_ hardly ever leave you wondering if you are going to come back in one piece." Remus put weight into his words, implying exactly what he wanted too. Sirius looked away and out a window that suddenly appeared, reflecting the night sky. "Ever since you've gotten back from summer break-" Sirius tensed but Remus took no notice "You've been distant. You have barely been paying attention in class, even for you. You don't ever come to bed, let alone my bed, anymore. I haven't actually seen you naked in months, not since before the holidays, but you are never in the mood to do anything anyway. You have not been _yourself_. James, Peter and I are constantly worried that maybe you won't come back…" His voice trailed off.

"Why?" Sirius asked quietly. His breathing was off, which Remus did notice.

"When you get back from your home, you are always sad, but you get better. This time you didn't. We didn't know if something happened. Or if you were… if something had happened to make you cut yourself off from us." It was hardly noticeable, but Sirius had been looking for it. The slip-up. The "_You are a Black and your lot in insane"_ look, the "_you are going to be evil no matter what_" words.

"Would you really care if I did?" Sirius asked, almost inaudible. Remus had to strain to hear it. _Maybe it would be easier if I did. I wouldn't have to fight, and my friends would be most protected. It would be easier to do on that side.__But I don't want to! _His other half screamed. Sirius began to hyperventilate. He got up and began to pace, unaware of what he was doing or where he was going.

_What if, what if?_ His mind screamed.

_What if you do and they kill you in the war?__What if you do and they are safe forever?__What if you don't and you have to watch as their torched?__What if you don't and mum locks you somewhere where you lose your sanity and you choose to become one out of will?__They will hate you, no matter what? Won't they? Don't they already?_ His mind raced through his thoughts, images of each scenario popping into his head. Then a memory. Walburga was dragging him across the room by his hair, then throwing him into a glass table, where the glass shattered and cut up his back and sides. She slung a hoard of hexes on him, making it impossible to stay conscious, but of course, he still was by the end of it.

All of the sudden Remus was in front of him, his hands on Sirius's upper arm and forcing him to look in his eyes. "Sirius? I need you to take a deep breath, through your nose, for seven seconds." Sirius complied. "Hold it for eight… release for eight, repeat until you calm down a little, yeah?" Slowly, Sirius began to relax enough and realize that once again, he had had another fit. Soon enough, Sirius was calm enough to where Remus was able to guide him over to a bed that appeared in another corner.

"Come here, love." Remus said, motioning for the other boy to sit next to him.

Remus leaned back against the headboard and Sirius latched himself to his side, resting his head on the boy's shoulder. "Talk to me. Please, Padfoot."

"Why are you guys still here?"

"Because we are your friends. And I love you. We all do."

"I'm so dark. My family. It's all so dark. I put you all at risk. My mother could come and hurt you, she will, I can't, I can't do, I -" Sirius got quiet again as he forced his breathing to level. Remus hung on to the boy and ran his hand through the other's long hair. Remus waited for a few moments before continuing.

"We love you, Sirius and we will always be here for you. Your mum won't hurt us. And she couldn't do it successfully, even with all the power she has."

"She can if she has Voldemort on her side," Sirius whispered, remembering the day that the man came to visit. It was not good. Being a Black and against all of the acts they were taking. The only reason Voldemort had stopped short of the killing curse was because his pureblooded-ness was "too beautiful to spill."

"All of this will be over soon. Sirius, your mom isn't ever going to hurt us. Not right now, not under the protection of our parent and Dumbledore and the MInistry, and once we are out of here we'll be adults who can handle this stuff." It was quiet for a few moments before Sirius spoke again.

"I'm just always nervous. And I always have these fits, and I'm so scared of having more that it causes more. I don't know what to do."

"They're panic attacks. You have to go to someone when you are getting to have one. Please, promise me you will come to me when they are getting worse or for anything."

"I promise."

Luckily, it was a Friday night. So neither one of them cared as they spoke and talked through things. Even though Sirius still had things that couldn't be helped, things he still kept to himself, it was the first time he had felt relaxed and safe in forever.

**_yeah sorry this was crappy it was not my best. im tired and wrote it in like a night??_****_but i thought it was cool_****_i have way better ones lol_**


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